


FAKE LOVE.

by taeilsd



Category: NCT (Band), taeyong - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilsd/pseuds/taeilsd
Summary: Taeyong asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend on the little weekend vacation he was going with his friends, but, what happens when you realize that maybe you do wish you were more than just friends?
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	FAKE LOVE.

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out longer than what i expected but i loved writing it. soft taeyong? bring it on. friends to lovers au? im a sucker for those. maybe a bit of heavy making out with him? omg.

“You want to what?!” your voice resonated on your dorm as Taeyong flinched closing his eyes at your loud voice. “Look, if you don’t want to help me then that’s fine… but it won’t be that bad!” he tried to convince you again sitting down beside you on your bed.

Your face grimaced at the idea while your eyes got lost everywhere in the room, trying to avoid his puppy eyes. “Y/N…” he repeated once again taking your hands with his. His skin felt hot against yours. You still tried to avoid him knowing very well you would fall into the trap of the big doe eyes. “Taeyong…” you said, with the same tone of voice.

He huffed and you felt his touch disappear as he let go of your hands, taking his head into his hands. “Why did you tell them that, anyways?” you asked him standing up. “Because” he snapped looking up at you “I was talking with this one girl” he started to explain “and then, things didn’t work out but I didn’t want to tell them because they would probably start to look for another one for me and honestly? I’m tired” he spoke really fast showing you how anxious he was about the topic.

“Tae…” you said squatting down in front of him. “Okay, I’ll do it, but only for this weekend. Then you will tell them things didn’t work out for us and… we decided to stay friends” you spoke slowly at him, watching how his facial expression changed with every word you said. “Yes! I promise! We will have so much fun!” he responded while standing up. “I have to go now because I have class but, I will talk to you later?” He asked after giving you a kiss on your head. You just nodded at him, thinking about what you have just agreed on.

You sat down at your bed defeated once again by Taeyong. Looking back at when you both met last year in one of your classes, you both befriended each other rather quickly. Maybe it was because you both didn’t understand a word that was said in the lectures so you had to teach each other everything every evening on the library, or maybe because both of you clicked together from the first minute.

But this was too much, wasn’t it? You thought to yourself laying down on the bed. Pretending to be his girlfriend because his friends thought he was dating someone? Who would come up with something like this? You thought.

You didn’t know his friends personally, you only heard the amazing and funny stories Taeyong had told you about his friends and their antics. In your mind they were nice to be around, but how nice were they if they pressured their own friend to have a significant other? That wasn’t something you liked.

Sighing once again you heard your phone ring somewhere between the sheets, where you were lazily laying down before Taeyong interrupted your Netflix marathon just to ruin your weekend plans.

Tae 18:35

We’ll pick u tomorrow at 5 pm :)

You groaned at the message, knowing you will probably have to pack everything tonight because you had lectures early in the morning.

Y/N 18:38

You own me one Tae :/

Tae 18:41

If u don’t have fun I promise ill do ur assignments for the next 2 weeks

Looking at his last message you tried to convince yourself it will be fun to pretend to be his girlfriend, even when you didn’t know how to act around boys, let alone around your supposed to be boyfriend. He was your only male friend and the only boy who didn’t intimidate you enough to act awkward around him. What did you get yourself into Y/N? You questioned yourself.

With a deep breathe you stood up shaking those thoughts out of your head. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” You asked yourself looking at your reflection on the mirror on the wall in front of your bed. “What if we have to hold hands? Or… what if… I have to kiss him?” you asked yourself with a worried expression.

Looking up at the ceiling you decided to accept your faith and the fact that you will probably have to kiss him. Reminiscing to your first kiss you grimaced at the image in your head, too much tongue, too much saliva and it made you too nauseous to even remember it. There was nothing cute nor romantic about it.

Hours passed by too quickly for you the next day, not really being ready when he opened the door of your dorm. “Are you ready to go?” he asked with a shy smile that crept on his face. Still packing the last things on your bag you hummed in response. He approached you from behind and placed his hands on your shoulders, making you jump at the contact. “Calm down Y/N” he said laughing at your reaction, running his hands up and down on your arms, as if that would calm down your nervousness.

You turned around to look at him placing a forced smile on your face. “I’m sorry, I’m just…” you tried to get the words out of your chest but they wouldn’t come out. “Nervous?” he asked, his eyebrows going up with his question. Nodding at him he hugged you tightly. “You don’t have to do anything extraordinary, just be you and…” he talked and you could hear his heartbeat. “And?” you asked looking up at him when he didn’t finish his sentence. “…and just make it look like we’re dating” he finished.

You laughed at him as you moved out of his embrace. “That’s easy to say Tae” you spoke finally closing your bag. “What?” he questioned quickly. “It’s easy pretending to be in a relationship when you’ve actually been in one and know how to act” you muttered under your breath before you could even think about the words that were leaving your mouth.

Taeyong scrunched his nose and turned you around so he could look at your face. Your cheeks were pink by the embarrassment you felt because of the topic you were to talk about now. “You’ve never had a boyfriend?” Taeyong asked, as his heart speeded up in his chest.

The day Taeyong first saw Y/N in his class, he felt amazed by her. His hands started sweating. When her eyes first looked at him his whole world crashed down for a second and his voice would come out high pitched because of the nervousness he felt every time they crossed a word. With time and patience he gathered enough courage to ask her if she wanted to go to study with him.

“She’s beautiful, I’m telling you!” he had said multiple times to his friends at any gathering they had. “Then why don’t you bring her sometime with you, I’m tired of listening how you gush over her” Hyuck had always responded to him. Rolling his eyes, Taeyong knew he wouldn’t ever introduce her to his friends, it was too dangerous.

Maybe he was being selfish, he had said to himself every time he thought of her being only for him. Maybe he was being stupid, he thought, but then he remember what his friends were like around any girl that approached the group. That’s why he wanted Y/N for himself, to keep her safe from his way too womanizer friends.

“No! I’ve never had a real boyfriend, that’s why I’m this nervous” you answered him making his eyes snap at you. Taeyong took your hands into his and kissed you knuckles, making your own heartbeat faster at that simple detail. “Don’t worry about anything Y/N. If you ever feel uncomfortable with the situation, just tell me” he kept your hands close to his face while he tried to reassure you once again with kind eyes.

The fact that she has never been in a relationship made Taeyong happy. It was more the fact that she had never known what love is, that’s what he thought, so he could show her that. He could be the one to show her what to be cared for meant, how he could protect her and make her happy.

“Okay” you whispered at him forcing back a smile. “Okay” he said back as he released your hands and took the bag placing it on his shoulder. “Shall we go?” he asked extending his hand at you.

Lacing your fingers with his made your skin tingle and the fact that you were walking around holding him made your head dizzy.

“Stop acting like a fifteen years old” you scolded yourself in your mind, trying to collect yourself. “It’s not time to act awkward” you thought again, but the little voice responding to you telling you that you really felt excited to be holding his hand had other plans.

Arriving to the three parked cars outside of your building, you saw eight boys waiting and two other girls happily talking. “Taeyong hyung! C’mon man!” you heard a high pitched voice whine while the boy exaggeratedly rolled back his head. “Shut up Hyuck” you heard Taeyong answer at him with annoyed voice.

He stopped in front of them with you by his side. “Boys, this is Y/N” he introduced you to them, tightening his hold on your hand. You smiled shyly at them and they received you with the same kind smile. “So you’re the girl Taeyong has been talking about, finally!” a tall boy first spoke making all of the boys nod at his affirmation. “She’s indeed beautiful!” another one spoke from the other side. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise turning to look at him. “You’ve told them about me?” you asked surprised making Taeyong laugh scratching his neck slightly.

“Okay, stop it boys” he tried to avoid your questioning look. “This is, Johnny” he started to introduce all of his friends to you, starting from the tall boy who first spoke. “Mark, Yuta, Taeil and Donghyuck” he pointed at all of the boys in front of you, you recognized the second one being the one who said you were beautiful and the last one who first scolded Taeyong for being late.

“Jaehyun, Jungwoo and Doyoung” he finished introducing the boys. “Lisa and Jisoo over there” he said pointing at the two girls you saw when you arrived. “Hi, everyone, I’m sorry if I don’t remember everyone’s name” you said waving awkwardly at them but they all told you they understood you perfectly.

A second later they were all gathering into the different cars, you staying as close as possible to Taeyong. “Sorry for being awkward” you whispered at him holding his hand harder. He looked back at you and smiled while placing your hair behind your ear. “Don’t worry, they will make you feel comfortable soon” he said.

And they did.

Sitting down in the middle of the backseat of the car, with Taeyong at one side and a boy named Yuta at the other, driving was the boy Taeyong introduced you as Taeil and the girl named Lisa, you were already feeling better when they started to talk as if you all were friends for years. The music was blasting, the laughs were there and the chattering was smooth.

“So, how did you two met?” Lisa asked turning herself around and looking at you and Taeyong. Feeling your palms starting to sweat, you forced a smile back at Taeyong. “Um…” you tried to think of a cute way of meeting someone but your brain did not work as fast as you wanted it to. “We had a class together last year” Taeyong said calmly smiling back at you.

“Oh…” the girl looked kind of disappointed at his response. “Not everyone has a dramatic story of how they met their partner, Lisa” Yuta intervened making her eyes roll. “Shut up you punk!” she answered turning back around to look at Taeil. “We met because I fell on him on an ice skating rink” she said swiftly, earning an endearing smile from the boy driving.

“So you’re not saying how you slit his eyebrow?” Yuta asked her making everyone laugh unless her, who was trying to reach at the back of the car to hit him. Taeil tried to keep the girl on her seat as Yuta’s screeching voice filled the car. “That was nothing Yuta” Taeil interrupted the bickering between the two of them.

“Yeah, I guess we don’t have an amazing story to tell of how we met then…” you awkwardly stated feeling nervous once again. “So, how was your first date then?” she turned once again to look at you with a big smile on her face.

Feeling your face hot, and probably red, you felt a hand creep on your thigh. You looked back at Taeyong who winked an eye at you and turned back to Lisa. “I asked her out on a dinner date, and then on a hiking date and then…”

“Whoa, boy I didn’t know you had that sport endurance, but I guess you do when it comes to girls…” Yuta interrupted him making everyone laugh “You punk!” now was Taeyong’s turn to try to reach him and hit him, making you move on your seat and lean on Taeyong’s chest.

Taeyong saw that as his chance of letting his arm rest on the upper side of the backseat, surrounding you with his arm and letting you stay like that. “Don’t play with fire Yuta” he threatened the other boy just to be given back an eye-roll.

“Can you two please don’t kill each other? We’re only ten minutes away from our destination” the elder one spoke making them both stop. “What? I’m just stating the truth Y/N” Yuta spoke again, this time turning his attention to you. “Your boyfriend right here, when we try to make plans to…” he started to explain but you spaced out the moment he mentioned the word boyfriend.

Blushing would have been no problem, but you were red as a beetroot and radiated heat like a hot pan. They could have cooked a three course meal on your face, and you were sure no one could have missed it. To be someone’s girlfriend, you thought. No. To be Taeyong’s girlfriend, you whished.

It would be a lie if you said you never imagined being Taeyong’s girlfriend, even more when you two started to hang out more and more each time. He made you feel comfortable, he made you feel at home even when you were thousands of miles away, he made you feel warm inside and an entire zoo was always in your stomach. But you couldn’t tell him that, of course not.

Taeyong and you were just friends. You started out as that, so dropping the bomb of you being attracted to him was way too risky for you. He was your first male friend that you could trust fully, so why would you risk it to something that could never happen between you two? That would be irresponsible.

“We’re here” you heard someone whisper in your ear and you turned your attention back at Taeyong, moving yourself to be back seated at the centre, the car came to a stop. As you were all getting out of the car you heard someone yell “C’mon losers!” The youngest one of the group, named Hyuck, was already making his way to the country house they had rented for the weekend.

You stood in awe looking at the beautiful landscape before you. The house was surrounded by a garden with oak-trees, cypresses and a terrace full of plants. It was a three floors villa which entrance was through a courtyard. Entering, it was all decorated like a splendid 18th century mansion with typical Sienese architecture. The main room was divided into living-room and kitchen. There were three double rooms, on the second and third floor there were large rooms with single beds.

“Only the couples get to have a double room!” Taeil shouted at the younger boy who was already making his way to one of them. “Oh, me and my hand are a couple” Hyuck answered at which everyone laughed at. “Don’t be stupid” Jisoo answered him “not even your hand would stand to be with you” she said just to earn a narrowed look from him “We’ve been together for almost twenty years, that’s real love miss” he answered her. “Me and Yuta made a bet that you and Johnny won’t last even a year!” he added shouting, at which she responded by running behind him, trying to chase him down.

Smiling at them, you followed Taeyong closely as he was making his way to one of the double bedrooms. You closed the door behind you and finally breathed calmly. “You okay?” he asked you as he took your bag from you to let it down on the other side of his. “Yes, don’t worry about me” you smiled at him “they are all really nice, I see you have a really fun group of friends”.

He neared you and took your face in his hands. “Don’t be worried, just be yourself, they will love you” he said smiling as you pouted at him. “Hey, I don’t want to see that on your face” he said pouting himself. You laughed at him when you saw him doing that. He always made you smile. “Shouldn’t we prepare some… backstory for our said relationship?” you asked hesitant.

“We can always improvise” he said leaving your side and proceeding to enter the bathroom. “Taeyong you know I hate to improvise!” you whined, following him and leaning on the doorframe as you looked at him washing his face. “Okay, then let’s try this” he said drying his face. “We met on our class last year, our first date was a dinner date, on the third one I asked you out as my girlfriend and we are deeply, madly, hopelessly in love” he said.

You smiled at him and crossed your arms over your chest. “I like that better”

“Babe” he added quickly looking at you.

“Babe?” you asked back.

“Yeah, call me something like that” he said back “…I mean, if you want to” he added quickly. 

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks again as Taeyong looked in your direction. He grinned and you snapped your head away, knowing that if you continued to stare you would get lost in his eyes. You could feel his eyes on you, and you silently inhaled and exhaled, hoping that we wouldn’t notice how, suddenly, you felt nervous around him.

He neared you without saying a word and your heart thumped so hard that you thought it was audible, he took your chin in his fingers and moved your head to meet his eyes just when he smiled. It was a small smile, but it was enough to make your knees go weak. He was near, way too near. And just when you were about to open your mouth to say something back at him, there was a knock on the door.

“Love birds! I know you two are in there but we have to make dinner!” a loud voice said from the other side of the door. Taeyong looked back at the door and left his hand fall on his side. You could’ve sworn he sighed in annoyance but, at the same time, you thought it was your own mind playing you tricks. “We’ll be there in a minute Jaehyun!” he said back turning his attention back to you.

“Y/N I was thinking…” he said in a much lower voice, as if he was scared the others would hear him speak. “…that maybe, we could…” he tried to look at you in the eyes but you knew he was feeling as embarrassed as you. You questioned him crocking your eyebrow up. “Maybe we could kiss now for the first time so it won’t be awkward later… you know… maybe they think is a bit weird if we don’t…” he was trying to explain himself unsuccessfully.

You felt like liquid adrenaline was being injected right into your bloodstream. Your skin tingled when your eyes met his and your heart beat erratically in your chest so hard that it felt like it would burst in any given moment. Looking at his eyes was like looking into the sun for too long, it almost burnt. But it felt good. “Yeah, I think it would be the best if we do it now so it won’t…” you tried to follow his arguments.

He looked at you in the eyes and you suddenly couldn’t find your voice. Your cheeks flushed hot pink once again and your stomach sunk heavily when he placed one hand on you face, keeping you still. Taeyong moved his head closer to yours and you stood there frozen, both from fear and excitement. He leant in, so your foreheads were resting against one another. He closed his eyes and you did the same, both of your breaths shaking.

When Taeyong kissed you the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below your ear, his thumb caressed your cheek as both of your breaths mingled. You ran your finger down his spine slowly, lost in the kiss, pulling him closer until there was no space left between you. You could feel his heart against your own chest, mingling with your own heartbeat. No one has ever kissed you like this, you thought.

Reluctantly, Taeyong removed his lips from yours. Your eyes slowly began to open, eyelids relaxed as the cool air began to hit your lungs once again. He stared back at you, his eyes calm. “That was…” you tried to catch your words but they wouldn’t come out. You were unable to even look at him in the eyes. “That was really nice” he finished your sentence just before a knock was heard once again on the door. “Hyung! If you don’t come out soon they will burn the kitchen down” you could recognize Mark’s voice at the other side of the door.

He giggled at the announcing and nodded his head towards the door. “Let’s go?” he asked you and you just nodded in response.

Entering the kitchen you were still lead by Taeyong. The chaos you two found there couldn’t be explained in words. Everyone was arguing on what you would have for dinner, some were already taking out pans and others, like the boy named Jungwoo and Mark, were just snacking not bothered on entering the conversation. “Hey, what’s going on?” Taeyong asked trying to shut everyone up.

“Hyung, Hyuck wants to be the one making dinner, talk him out of it please” Jaehyun directly spoke to Taeyong with an annoyed look on his face. You quietly laughed at the situation moving to the side to lean on the kitchen isle. “I can cook pretty well but y’all won’t let my talent flow” the younger one answered whining. “Just like that burnt pizza we had that one time when we were at yours?” Yuta asked earning a whole ooh’s from everyone. “That wasn’t actually my fault” he quickly turned around to look at him.

They all started to bicker once again and not a single coherent sentence could be heard. “What if we make it into a competition? “You asked suddenly making everyone close their mouths. “What?” Lisa asked you. “I mean, we could make teams and every team cooks something and then we will know who the best is” you shrugged your shoulders as if it was the most obvious idea you’ve ever had.

“I will be the judge!” Jungwoo exclaimed from behind you surprising you. “That’s actually a good idea” everyone nodded at you.

That’s how the twelve people who were gathered into the house found themselves cooking as teams trying to make the best meal. The minutes passed by and the kitchen filled with Mark’s loud laughter, Hyuck’s jokes and Yuta annoying everyone in the room. Kisses flew left and right between the two other couples as you stole quick glances at them, feeling envious at the scenery which was noticed by Taeyong.

He managed to sneak his hand on your waist at every chance he got only to be met with your cheeks turning pink at the subtle movement. At every touch of your skin and his you felt your heart doing jumps up and down on your chest which only increased every time he would gently place a kiss on your temple or forehead,

“Aren’t you two the cutest?” Johnny caught one of the soft kisses on your head, making you blush even harder than what you already were. “Stop it Johnny” you heard Taeyong’s voice threaten him. “Those are the facts” he shrugged his shoulders passing by you two and going to the other end of the kitchen, where Jisoo waited for him.

When everyone was done with their meals, you placed it in front of Jungwoo who was eagerly waiting to try every meal. “So, first is Johnny, Jisoo, Mark and Yuta’s dish” he said trying it and nodding his head at the taste. “Not bad, not bad” he said with his thumbs up. Their team clapped in excitement. Then he tried the next dish, which was from Hyuck, Jaehyun, Taeil and Lisa’s team.

Jungwoo’s face grimacing made everyone in the room laugh except the team, which groaned at his expression. “I told you not to add so much salt!” Lisa spoke directly at Hyuck. “You let it boil way too much, I told you” Jaehyun added. They started to bombard him with scolds and he directly went to hide behind Taeil’s back, telling him to protect him as he was his soulmate. “Don’t hide behind my man! Brave up!” the girl spoke with her eyes on fire while everyone on the room erupted in laughter.

“And the last meal is from Y/N, Taeyong and Doyoung’s team” Jungwoo announced taking a bite while his eyes widened in surprise. “This one! This one is the best!” he excitedly screamed. Everyone clapped at your victory as Taeyong and Doyoung high fived each other.

Taeyong turned around excitedly and took you into his arms, spinning you around. It made your heart burst in joy at the little show of affection by him while everyone cheered on you. “Just kiss her! She deserves it after doing all the hard work” Doyoung commented on your right. “Oh, you two did a great job, don’t be humble now” you answered him making him laugh.

And without a prior notice, you felt Taeyong’s lips on yours. Sweet, gentle, soft. Just as before, on the intimacy of your room. You felt the sparks again as your head felt dizzy of happiness. It was short, but intense. He removed his lips from yours but they were left tingling. Suddenly, you heard everyone talk but your brain wouldn’t process any of the words they said, focusing only the sensation that was left on your skin.

The evening flew by quickly between the dinner, food and drinks that were constantly flowing. After few hours you were all gathered into the living room, sprawled around the couches and the floor. Everyone had their own beer or whatever drink in their hand, talking about everything and anything.

Memories of their friendship were shared, cute and funny stories, and also some very embarrassing ones. First and lasts times. Happy and sad anecdotes. And you could totally feel how every one of them loved each other deeply just like a family would. And they were accepting you as a member of the family, and you couldn’t feel guiltier.

You were comfortably seated beside Taeyong, your legs under you as your head was placed on his chest while he had his arm around you. A blanket was covering you both. You felt every vibration that left his chest every time he laughed at something. You felt and heard his heart beat, and you also felt you own clench every time you heard him happily talking about some other memory he was reminiscing.

“Y/N, you’re actually the first girl Taeyong hyung introduces us” Mark stated earning your attention. “Is that so?” you asked turning your head up at him, confused but with a small smile on your face. The whole room hyped you up and he drank from his own drink trying to avoid the question. “Don’t get all shy now Tae hyung” Jungwoo added. “You talk about her all the time”, which made your questioning look harder on him. “Isn’t it time to go to sleep?” he asked laughing just like everyone else.

“You must be very important Y/N” Jisoo said looking directly at you. “This one right here had introduced them five other girls before me” she said pointing at Johnny, who was already rolling his eyes at her statement. Johnny embraced her keeping her hands from moving. “I may have done that, but you’re the only one who has actually lasted long enough to come to a weekend get away with my friends” he said his head burring in her neck, the whole room erupting in ooh’s and aw’s at them.

“That was smooth hyung!” Hyuck hyped him.

“Guys, I know we’re all having a great time but I’m exhausted…” Doyoung said from your side at which everyone agreed on. Gathering all of your things, everyone made their way in their rooms. Walking to your room you couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Taeyong had talked to them about you. Or was it some other girl he talked about? You thought to yourself.

“What has your head running wild in thoughts?” Taeyong asked you as he closed the door behind, leaving the blanket you both shared on top of the bed. “Huh?” you asked, looking down at him where he was already seated on the bed. He questioned you with his eyes. “Oh, nothing, I’m just tired because of the ride here and then all the cooking and… yeah” you lied through your teeth as you made your way to the other side of the bed.

Taeyong only nodded, not saying a word in response. As you were already in your side of the bed, under the two blankets, he switched the lights off. The mattress sunk down under his weight but he didn’t move closer to you, leaving your personal space. “Did you feel uncomfortable?” he asked in the darkness. “No, they are all very nice” you answered honestly, shivering at the cold you felt in your whole body. “Are you cold?” he asked you in a low voice but you were too afraid your voice would give out how nervous you actually were to share a bed with him.

In the darkness, you felt him wrap his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to his body. The cuddles felt like a little touch of heaven, warm, cozy. You felt peace you’ve never known before, a calm of the storm that was now going on into your heart. “Is it better like this?” he asked, his breathe hitting your neck.

“Yeah…” you whispered, turning yourself so you were facing his chest, trying to avoid the stare of his eyes. You knew he was watching you. His fingers clasped on the back of your top, then gently drawing patterns of your back, enough to reassure you that he was staying here. And you wanted him to stay there. You wanted this moment to last forever. Your legs where tangled and your arms were surrounding his torso, burring your face inheritably into his chest. “Good night, Y/N” he whispered kissing the top of your head.

You felt your heavy eyelids close even when you were trying to keep yourself awake just to enjoy a little bit more the feeling of being wrapped around him. But soon, way too soon for your liking, everything turned black around you, leaving the sensation of being held by Taeyong behind, leaving the calmness you were feeling that moment back in reality as you drifted off to the void of your dreams.

Everything was blurry. And for a second, Taeyong thought everything had been a dream. Then, processing the room around him as he opened slowly his eyes he saw her lying next to him as his body was pressed on her back, not leaving space between them.

Her soft breathing brought back to him all of the memories of the prior day, making him smile closing back his eyes just to enjoy the moment. He didn’t want to let go of that sweet sensation that ran up and down his whole body. He brought her body closer to him, keeping her safe, feeling her heart slowly and peacefully dance.

His hand was placed on her stomach and her top had rolled up a little exposing a small space of her skin and he took advantage of that by caressing her skin there, drawing little patterns as he had done the night prior. Her skin was soft, just like her whole being, he thought. She moved, slowly, as if she was afraid of waking him up, and turned around to face him.

Her big eyes was the first thing he clearly saw and her breath hitched when she saw him. Nothing was said, as if their eyes knew what the other was thinking.

“Morning…” you were the first one to break the silence, feeling like you would do something stupid like kissing him if you didn’t start to talk soon. A soft smile was placed on his face as he kept observing yours, trying to catch every single detail of your skin, counting every freckle. The removed his hand from your waist and removed a stand of hair that had fallen on your face, covering part of it.

“Tae you’re staring” you whispered back, moving so you were facing the ceiling, not being able to keep looking at him. “It’s because you’re beautiful in the morning” he said slowly without giving his brain the chance of processing the words he had just said. “I’m a mess in the morning” you said back covering your face with your hands, as you felt how your cheeks were already turning pink. “A beautiful mess” he whispered back slowly as he turned his own body away from you.

Suddenly you felt the emptiness he left behind when he had stood up from the bed, stretching his body as he looked down at you. “I’m taking a shower, you can go to see what everyone is doing or wait for me?” he said pointing at the bathroom door that was just on the other side of the room. “I will go and see if anyone’s awake” you answered, feeling like you had to leave the suffocating room to get some air.

Closing the door of the bedroom behind you, you heard voices talking in the kitchen. Silently tiptoeing to that room you entered to see Taeil and Jungwoo cooking breakfast. The sunlight that warmed the room and smell of pancakes made it feel like home. “Good morning Y/N” Jungwoo was the first one to notice you entering.

“Morning, guys” you answered them sweetly siting on one of the high stools placed on the opposite side of the kitchen isle, where they were cooking. “Did you and Taeyong hyung sleep well?” he asked back at you giving you a smile. You nodded in affirmation. “How did you guys sleep?” you politely asked back.

Taeil shrugged his shoulders turning back to you. “If it wasn’t because I’m already used to Lisa moving around the whole night it would have been a nightmare” he spoke making you both laugh. “If you want to sleep in the same room as snoring Hyuck and Yuta, I’m up for a trade” Jungwoo said back to him making Taeil grimace at the proposal.

“You guys seem like a little family” you told them when you had all of their attention after they finished breakfast, placing the different plates on the kitchen isle. “We basically grew up together because our families are really close” Taeil answered to your unspoken question. “And we hope you like and stay in this little family” Jungwoo added sitting next to you and giving you a wink.

You slightly smiled at him and looked down, feeling guilty at how you were basically lying to all of them about your relationship with Taeyong. “Yes, Taeyong really needed someone like you in his life, after everything he’s been through…” Taeil said smiling kindly, at which Jungwoo nodded in agreement. Furrowing your brows in confusion you asked them with your expression what were they talking about?

“He hasn’t told you?” Jungwoo’s surprised face met yours from your side. “Um… not sure” you answered, still confused. “I don’t know if we should talk about this…” Taeil started to say but he was cut off by the younger one. “I mean, after the toxic relationship he had before you he needed someone who would let him breathe and be himself”.

Placing your head in your hand you were now intrigued by the topic. “We haven’t really talked about prior relationships, to be honest” you said with a sad look in your eyes. “Don’t worry about It Y/N, she was really someone who consumed him, we thought we lost him as a friend at some point” Taeil added more information. “It seems like you make him really happy and that’s all that matters now, right?” Jungwoo asked looking at you and Taeil.

Talking with them really made you feel bad for being a liar, but it also made you feel sad to know Taeyong had gone through a toxic relationship, maybe that’s why his friends were always trying to hook him up with someone new. So he could forget about his past.

It wasn’t long before people started to enter the kitchen. Yuta followed by Hyuck entered first, hungrily attacking the breakfast his friends had made; Johnny and Jisoo entered next, both laughing at someone they were looking at his phone; Doyoung, Mark and Jaehyun were the last ones who arrived, all of them in their swimsuits ready to go to the pool.

You felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around your waist which made you jump in surprise, only to be found with Taeyong’s lips kissing your cheeks. “It’s me babe” he murmured, his lips still placed on your cheek. You felt slightly embarrassed at the public display of affection but you also appreciated it, knowing that you won’t get to experience it again.

You smiled at him and jumped down from the stool for him to seat. “You should eat breakfast before they eat everything that’s left” you told him making him laugh. “I’m surprised there’s something left” he spoke low. Sitting down, he moved his arm back to your waist, making you lean on him, his right thigh between your legs, leaving his hand rest on yours. You looked down at his hand resting there and felt how your skin tingled where he touched you.

You bit down your lip zooming out of the conversation that was now going on in the kitchen. Thinking about what it felt like being this close to Taeyong made your heart clench, and you didn’t know why but it hurt. It hurt you to know this was all play pretend for him, to know that, after this dream like weekend ends everything would probably go back to how it was before.

The goofy Taeyong you have always loved having by your side, the one that made you smile and always made sure you were okay, the one who cared and brought you food to your dorm when you studied for finals even knowing he had to be doing the same instead of worrying for you. The same Taeyong that always listened when you spoke, and remembered everything you two talked about.

It would go back to that Taeyong, but it won’t be someone who actually loved you. And it hurt.

“Y/N?” you heard his voice, snapping back to reality. “Huh? Sorry I was just…I got lost in thoughts” you said turning back to him. “Don’t worry, I asked you if you wanted to go swimming?” he said pointing at the big picture window that was in front of them in the kitchen, that lead to the backyard where the pool was. “Oh, yes! Of course!” you wiped the last sad thought from your mind, deciding to seize the time you had left with him being your fake boyfriend.

It was a fine day under the sun and you felt the warmth of the sunrays on your skin. Far gone were the intrusive sad thoughts that would send cold shivers down the back of your neck. Music could be heard from the speakers they had brought outside and it melted with the conversation and laughs everyone shared with one another.

Going in and out of the pool or just laying down to sunbath, Taeyong always made sure to steal one or two kisses from you, always taking you by surprise. You grew accustomed to being by his side and it stopped making you nervous every time he touched you; you even gathered some courage to be the one seeking out for him by taking his hand softly and playing with his fingers mindlessly, or just giving him a peck on the cheek when you were both on the pool playing around with the others.

It felt like you were in a movie. Everything was perfect. Just like the calmness you feel when you’re watching the sea from afar, without being able to notice how the big storm that was approaching you is. How big the wave is, because you’re too far to even notice it starting to form itself. That’s how your heart was feeling, that’s how it was trying to protect itself by shielding itself on the ignorance and fakeness of the love and affection Taeyong was not showing you, without being able to see how broken it will be after the storm passes by and takes everything you have away.

You didn’t know how but the hours passed by flying. Everyone was surprised when they saw how the sun was starting to set, as shivers ran down everyone’s spine reminding them of the coolness that was coming at them.

Picking everything up and trying to clean as fast as possible before the sun set completely down, everyone got inside ready to cook some dinner. Tiredness could be seen on everyone’s eyes, but it melted with the sense of joy and happiness for being there, surrounded by the people they loved. And you grew accustomed to that too. Just hours after meeting them you felt comfortable around them, joking and laughing as well, as if you were one of them already.

Taeyong smiled looking fondly at you every time you joked around with the boys, seeing how well you got with them. He loved seeing you get with them so good, but, the rational side of his brain never failed to remind him that everything was a lie. Even though he had done this to spend some time with you, and obviously run from his friend’s pressure to find someone else in order to forget his ex, he knew it would come to an end the moment he walks you back to your dorm.

But, despise that sad feeling he felt running up and down in his body, he tried to keep his consciousness and mind at the present moment he has living with you. Having you near him all the time, freely cuddling you and kissing you with the purest kisses there could be given. Playing around with you and making you happy as the real boyfriend in him wanted to do the rest of his days.

“Okay guys, its story time!” Hyuck shouted as he sat down on the floor, leaving his already third beer on the coffee table that was placed in the middle of the spacious living room. Everyone sat down around the living room, either taking a seat on the couches or choosing to sit comfortably down on the ground. Music softly played on the background, loud enough for people to keep talking.

Taeyong sat down right next to you, taking your legs by your knees and placing them comfortably over his, then he took a blanket that was laying around and placed it above the both of you. His hands fell on your bare legs as if they have always done that, caressing your skin as if it was an old habit of his. “Are you gon’ tell us how you lost your virginity Hyuck?” Jaehyun teased him as he took a sip of his own drink.

“Actually, I’ve been saving that story for a special occasion, like all of you already know…” he moved his hands around exaggeratedly, making everyone laugh. “…and I believe this is place is and the people I am with are special enough for me to finally give you story” he finished off while everyone clapped at him. “Bless us with the story Hyuck!” Mark shouted as he raised his beer at him.

“So I when I was in high school, I was around seventeen, I met this girl who was already in college and let me tell you, she was hot!” He started his narrative earning everyone’s attention but yours. Your attention was fixed on the mindless caresses that Taeyong was providing you with his hand up and down your thigh, only to stop for him to drink from his beer and then placing them back down.

“And that’s how she found out I was virgin” he finished the story clasping his hands together, making you turn your attention back to him, you didn’t know how much time you’ve been daydreaming with Taeyong’s hands in your thighs, but you turned around to see Mark and Johnny had tears in their eyes because of the laughter, and the others were either clapping at Hyuck or giving him words or reassurance.

“Oh man, that was definitely worth the wait” Johnny said rubbing his eyes while he was still laughing. When the chaos of the room calmed down, Mark and Yuta stood up leaving the living-room to return back with more beer for everyone there. “Tell us your story Y/N!” Jaehyun said while everyone cheered you on doing so. “Oh no, it’s too embarrassing!” you said covering your face with your hands. “It won’t top mine, I’m hundred percent sure” Hyuck said while smiling.

“Okay okay” you calmed everyone down while sitting up straighter in your seat. You felt how Taeyong’s grasp on your thigh tightened making you leave your legs above his. “So I was at the time talking with this guy that was older than me, from my high school” you started to tell. “And he was all the time telling me to go over at his to chill and stuff, and of course my pure self didn’t know what he meant about it, that’s why I finally gave in and went one day” the girls grimaced at the story, giving you an apologetic look. “That’s the worst Y/N!” Lisa said.

As you were telling your story Taeyong couldn’t help but feel a tight feeling knotting on his chest, as if anger was getting over him just by hearing the story. “And when he started touching me, that’s when I knew he wanted to do…the thing” you said making everyone laugh, except Taeyong who had his eyes locked on your face. “And since all my friends had already lost their virginity I thought to myself that maybe this was the time but the experience I got was very far from pleasurable” you kept talking.

Taeyong realized that what he felt was jealousy. Pure and disgusting jealousy towards any men that had had their chance of entering Y/N’s bed. And he also felt angry. Angry because they all had taken advantage of her, not one of them showing her what real love and affection looked like. And then it struck him while he still had his fingers dancing around the skin on her thighs as she kept talking, words left her mouth but he didn’t pay attention to any of it, but it struck him that those feelings were his own problem. And he had to deal with them in a way that she wouldn’t notice, because he had no right in feeling jealous because of another men. He wasn’t her boyfriend, at the end.

“And then I left, unsatisfied just I how I expected” you finished your story as everyone aw’d at you. Yuta passed you another beer “take this, drown your sorrows in alcohol” and you took it from him laughing. “But now you have a real man by your side who takes care of your needs huh” Johnny said winking at you, just to earn a slap on the shoulder from Jisoo. Your cheeks turned pink as you looked over at Taeyong, trying to stop the small smile that was trying to get on your face. If they only knew, you thought.

Everyone kept talking and small conversations started to flow around, as you let your head fall softly on Taeyong’s shoulder. He turned his attention to you and kissed the top of your head. “Are you tired?” he mumbled only for you to hear. You hummed in response as you were already closing your eyes, after the long day and four beers you were exhausted. “Wanna go to bed?” he asked again and you only nodded your head.

Both of you stood up while you rubbed your eyes yawning. “Guys, we’re off to bed” Taeyong announced and everyone protested. “Hey, we’re tired” he said again as you started to move and he followed behind. “Yeah, tired” Jaehyun repeated his words sending a wink his way. “Have a good night guys!” “Protect yourselves!” “I don’t want to be an uncle yet!” you heard them all shout your way as you were already leaving the living room.

“They’re such an idiots” he huffed and you only took his hand in yours to give him a squeeze. “They’re your best friends and I think they’re awesome” you reassured him.

“I’m sorry if they made you feel uncomfortable with those last comments” he said again as you were already snuggling under the covers, only your eyes visible from his perspective which made him laugh. “Don’t worry ‘bout it buddy” you told him, your voice barely audible because of the covers over you.

He flicked the lights off and you totally lost his figure in the darkness of the room, only to hear his steps nearing the bed and then the bed sinking again, just as last night. The only difference now was that he scooted over you without asking, bringing you to his chest so you laid your head there comfortably, listening to his heart.

He started to slowly and softly caress your hair. “Did you have fun today?” he asked you whispering. You nodded your head placing your hand also on his chest, drawing little patterns just like he did the night prior. You felt excited but comfortable, as if your heart was about to burst from your chest but at the same it found peace here, with him.

“Tae, can I ask you something?” you asked hesitant. “What is it, angel?” he answered whispering. Taking a deep breathe you asked him about the girl Taeil and Jungwoo had told you about that same morning, the same one that broke him. “Huh?” he answered at your question, which was really unexpected for him. “Taeil and Jungwoo told me about it this morning, and it surprised me that you haven’t told me about her like…ever” you said back, sad at the fact that he didn’t trust you enough to tell you that.

“Like, if you don’t want to talk about it I totally understand, I just curious…” you hurriedly added when there was no answer coming from him. Suddenly you felt bad for asking him such an intimate question out of nowhere, it wasn’t your place to ask about something like that, you scolded yourself. When he kept quiet you knew you really did something wrong.

Not wanting to keep bothering him you turned around on the bed, scooting away from him as you felt guilty for ruining the peaceful environment you both had created on the bedroom. “Y/N…” he whispered when he felt you leave his body, leaving a cold spot beside him. “I’m sorry for asking Tae, I shouldn’t be so nosy” you said turning your back to him and bringing your own knees to your chest.

“Baby…” he said again and your heart did a flip on your chest. “There’s no one here Tae, you don’t need to call me that” you said reminding him that he could stop pretending. He felt his heart hurt at your words, suddenly reminding him that you would never see him like something more than a friend, and it hurt like hell, he thought.

“Y/N she’s someone who had me really fucked up and still, to this day…” he spoke as he leaned on his elbow, his eyes squinting trying to figure out your body on the darkness. You kept quiet with your back to him, you knew that if you kept going close to him your feelings would really get messed up, more than what they already are.

He sighed loudly as he left his body fall back on the bed, his head hitting the pillow. “She still calls me and texts me and… and I can’t forget her. She doesn’t let me forget her.” He whispered, his eyes fixed on the darkness of the room. You turned your body around to face him again. “When you’ve loved someone with your whole self like I did with her…” he continued talking and you felt his face turning to face you. “… And when she keeps coming back, it’s almost impossible to clean yourself from that toxic love. Like a drug, Y/N”

The tone of his voice made the hairs of your back stand and you could feel the pain he had inside of himself. “I’m sorry for asking Tae” you whispered, and you could hear him smiling softly. “Don’t be sorry Y/N” he said bringing his hand to touch softly your face. “I never told you because…” he kept caressing your face so softly he thought he could break you.

“Because whenever you were around I just stopped thinking about her, even if it was for a little while” he confessed, making you feel mixed feelings. You were happy to know he forgot about what made him hurt when he was with you, but at the same time, you felt sad because you knew you were that friend that could only make him happy that way.

You kept silent, just feeling his light touch on your cheek travelling south to your neck and then back up. He traced the outline of your lips slowly and time stopped for you right there. There was nothing in the world you wanted to do more than kiss him, but you were too afraid. “Y/N…” he whispered back, and this time you felt his breath hitting your own lips.

He was close, way too close. You could move a centimetre and your lips would touch. And you wanted that, you wanted to scream at him how much you wanted to kiss him, now, tomorrow and forever. “Tae…” you whispered back at him, and as soon as the word left your mouth you felt his lips pressing against yours. You remembered what was like kissing him but it felt like the first time.

His lips moved slowly against yours and his hand crept around your neck, keeping your face close to his as if he was afraid you would part. You brought your hands to his neck, and scooted your body next to his, feeling the warmth that he radiated. And you wanted more. You needed more.

His hands moved professionally against your body as the one he had on your neck travelled south until it reached your waist, then down your bottom and the back of your thigh. He brought one of your legs over his hip and left it placed there, where he could feel your soft skin.

The neediness of the kiss made him moan and you knew that melodic sound would be stuck in your mind forever. Slowly parting, you left a few pecks on his lips as he smiled at the little detail. He breathed deeply and you could feel his chest rising up and down, your hand comfortably laying there. He rose his head to catch your lips again, this time with more passion, and then he moved you on top of him, making you feel directly at your core how hard he already was.

He moved your hips in sync with his, placing his other hand back on your neck, keeping you still. Millions of thoughts were racing through your mind and you were going crazy because of the feeling of having him underneath you, moaning needy. Grasping at your bottom.

Taeyong turned you around, so now he was the one on top. Still moving his hips on yours, his lips trailed down onto your neck and behind your ear. The sweet sensation of his lips leaving soft kisses while his hips bucked into you, brought enough pleasure for you to let escape his name moaning. It drove him wild. He wanted more. He needed more of you. He hooked one of his thumbs on the hem of your shorts taking them off, leaving you only with the lace panties you had on.

You were lost between the feeling of him on top of you and the little sounds he made every time his dick rubbed against your centre. Now, with only panties on, he could feel the wetness that was staining them, and the warmness you radiated. You wrapped your legs around his waist keeping him as close to you as possible, and he stood there still, slowly parting from the kiss to look at you.

Looking at him, reality crashed into you like a lightening, suddenly remembering where you were and why you were there. Looking at what you were doing now, you knew you had to stop. Sex was way to intimate for you. You have been left the next day after hooking up with boys too many times, and your heart has felt alone way more. It was too weak to go through that again, and you knew that if it had to be Taeyong leaving, you wouldn’t get over it. That’s why you knew you had to stop, because you knew he didn’t feel the same and this would only end with your heart shattered on the ground. You just knew.

“Tae I can’t…” you softly spoke, untangling your legs from his hips. He moved down to lay at your side, covered his eyes with his forearm. His breath was shaky and you just couldn’t imagine what was going on in his mind. Suddenly, he sat down on the bed, his back facing you this time. You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t know what you felt, but separating from his touch made you miss him instantly.

“I’m sorry Y/N” he whispered before he stood up and left the room. You didn’t know why but you felt sad, because, maybe at the end he was another boy who would probably leave you after you give him everything you have. You didn’t know if he was pissed, or angry for leaving him like that. You didn’t know what he thought. You felt like suddenly you didn’t know what was going on.

Taeyong knew he had crossed the line kissing you with such neediness and passion. He knew he had entered your personal and safe space just because of his own needs, just because his heart told him too, without even asking you for permission. He blamed himself because, at the end of the day, it was him who made you uncomfortable and not his friends, as he thought it would happen.

He peaked into the living room just to see that everyone had already gone to sleep. Releasing a sigh, he made his way into the kitchen, too embarrassed to go back to Y/N. “You up still?” Doyoung asked from behind as he approached the fridge taking out a bottle of water. “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep” Taeyong answered rubbing his red eyes, obviously tired.

“Did something happen with Y/N?” Doyoung asked again sitting down next to his friend, immediately concerned for him. He had seen Taeyong brake down too many times and he had sworn to himself he would protect him from any kind of harm there could be for him. “No, um… just, I don’t know… she asked about my ex” Taeyong mumbled the last part, embarrassed to be having this conversation over again with Doyoung.

“And?” Doyoung asked again, knowing there was more behind that he wasn’t telling him. “I told her that she kept looking for me and stuff…”

“But you don’t answer, right? Now you have Y/N, she’s great! I can tell she won’t do you dirty as that bitch did” Doyoung tried to cheer him up, his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, reassuring him that everything would be alright. Taeyong smiled slightly at his friend and nodded his head. “You’re right… I have Y/N” he whispered, knowing very well that he didn’t have her, and he never will.

“Go to bed Tae, it’s very late and we’re leaving early tomorrow” Doyoung said standing up from his chair and exiting the kitchen, leaving Taeyong alone with his thoughts. He knew his feelings for her were too strong for him to let go, and he knew that asking her to pretend to be his girlfriend would fuck him up even more.

But, even knowing that he will suffer after this because he got a taste of what life with you would be like, he knew he had to risk his heart, even one time.

Going back to the room you both shared, he laid down on the bed under the blankets, feeling your body too far from his. He wanted to approach you, to hug you, to kiss you goodnight. But he couldn’t.

When you felt the bed sink once again, you had your eyes closed but your mind was going crazy because of him. Did he really want something with you? No, that can’t be possible. He knew how you felt towards boys playing you. He just got horny because of the kiss, and that’s it, you tried to convince yourself repeating that words over and over again.

But, after telling yourself that thousands of times, it still didn’t make sense in your head. You knew Taeyong wasn’t like all the other boys, that’s why you liked him. You knew he had a heart of gold and every time he touched you he did it with so much delicacy he thought he could break you. He wasn’t like the other boys. Then why are you trying to convince yourself he was like that?

Knowing that you should talk to him about this instead of speculating, you scolded yourself for making him feel like he had crossed the line with you.

You tried to calm your heart down, but it was almost impossible knowing you had him just a palm away from you. You could turn around, stretch your arm and feel him near you once again, but after pushing him away the way you did, would he even want to touch you again? That was what most hurt you. If you thought you didn’t have any chance with him before that intense make out session, now, after pushing him away, you were totally fucked up.

Your thoughts started to get incoherent as you felt how sleepy you suddenly felt. And that’s how, with your heart in your hand, you drifted off to somewhere where you and Taeyong could be really happy together. Only in your dreams.

Waking up the next morning with an arm wrapped around your waist, his chest pressing on your back and his soft and steady breathing hitting the back of your neck made you feel like being on a cloud. The sun hit slightly your bodies and the warmth filled the room. You remember the little incident you had last night and suddenly all the comfort you felt lying next to him disappeared.

Trying to move his hand away from your body, he responded by grasping you tighter, not letting you move from the spot. A soft whimper could be heard from behind you “Y/N…” he said in his sleep almost inaudible. His breathing was still steady, that’s how you knew he was still deep sleeping. Trying once again to move his hand, he let go of your body and as soon as you sat down his hand moved around the bed looking for you.

He softly opened his eyes to see you looking down at him. That first image hit him like he was looking straight at an angel. “Good morning” you slimed down at him. You felt hurt, but that didn’t stop you from being kind to him as you have always been, trying as hard as possible to not give away that your heart was, in fact, broken.

“Morning” he groaned stretching his body in the bed. “We should pack, I think we’re leaving soon” you whispered to him, moving his hair away from his eyes. “Look, Y/N, about last night…” he started to speak but you cut him off. “Don’t worry Tae, I know it meant nothing” you said hesitant, looking away from him. He immediately shut up.

You didn’t talk much while packing your things in each’s bag. Taeyong felt awkward about the fact that you have said it meant nothing, but who was he to pressure you to have feelings towards him? He couldn’t do anything about it. The best thing to do, he thought, was to leave everything behind and keep the relationship as it always has been, him pretending there were no feelings inside him that killed him every time he saw you smile.

The road back home was silent. Everyone was tired but satisfied with the little get away, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong. This was the end of your dream with him.

When Taeil’s car stopped in front of your building Taeyong got out of the car telling his friends he would stay with you and help you with your things. You said goodbye to everyone, at which they responded telling you that they would probably see you around since you and Taeyong are something official. You smiled at them, but it didn’t reach your eyes, knowing very well everything was a lie. “You’re the best Y/N!” Hyuck shouted getting back into Jaehyun’s car.

You made your way into your dorm with Taeyong by your side. He wanted to stay as long as possible by your side, even if it had to be with the lame excuse of helping you with your bag. Entering the room, he let it fall down next to your desk. “That was fun, wasn’t it?” he asked, trying to break the tension that had built between you two since last night. You bit your lip and nodded at him. “You were right, that was fun”

“But, how are you planning on telling them we… are not together anymore?” you asked hesitant, trying to not look at him mindlessly unpacking. “I haven’t thought about that yet” he answered honestly. The silence that surrounded you was no longer comfortable as it would have been just three days ago. He looked around the room as if it was the first time he was there.

You turned around to look at him while you played with your fingers nervously. “Thank you for the weekend Tae” you said finally, trying to escape the suffocating silence that didn’t let you breathe properly. “You’re welcome… I guess…” he scratched the back of his neck. “Umm… I think I’ll be going then…” he pointed at the door of your room.

You nodded at him and followed him to the door. “I will talk to you later?” he questioned with hopeful eyes. “Yeah, of course” you answered, still unable to look at him.

As hours passed by, it seemed impossible to get Taeyong off your mind. You reminisced every single minute of those two days you had spent with him. All those touches, the kisses on your forehead, and the ones on your lips. The laughs you got out of him every time you told a lame joke. His snuggles on the couch and the caresses of his fingers up and down your thigh. You missed something you knew you will never have.

Taeyong was laying down on his bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to fix the situation. He didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around him, but it was all his fault. He shouldn’t have asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he thought.

The light of his phone distracted this thoughts.

Unknown.

Hi Tae. I miss you, where are you?

The message made his heart snap and he clenched his jaw tightly still looking at it. It couldn’t be possible, he thought. Laying back down his head on the pillow he asked himself if it would be a good idea answering. She had hurt him, a lot. She had played with his already fragile heart countless times. She had lied to him just to get what she wanted.

But, she had also made him feel good. Even knowing everything she told him were lies, he couldn’t pretended it didn’t give him goose bumps every time she would slip an “I love you” between kisses and smiles. Her caresses, her hands on his body and her breathe hitting his neck always made him feel good. Always made him forget about all of his worries.

He took back the phone and looked again at the screen. His heart clenched.

Unknown.

I’m at home, if you wanna come :)

He battled with himself, knowing that going back to her would make him feel good but he would regret it. At the same time, he also wanted to forget about Y/N. He wanted to forget about her smile and her little hands playing with his mindlessly; he wanted to forget about her scent and how happy and full of joy he felt waking up next to her. He wanted it to stop hurting.

Was it worth it going back to the old drug that made him forget everything because someone new made his heart weak? He asked himself. Sitting down on the bed he placed his hands on his face, elbows leaning on his knees. Still trying to figure out what to do.

Maybe old drugs we’re already accustomed to consume us were not so bad after all.

Taeyong thought over and over again about what he was about to do. His steps were slowly ascending on the stairway, afraid of actually arriving to the destination he has chosen to. The palms of his hands were already sweating and his heartbeat was erratic on his chest. For the first time he felt afraid of going to the place he has gone thousands of times before.

The echo of his feet stepping on the firm ground was the only thing that could be heard. Maybe because his mind was fixed on that or maybe because it was already too late in the night for anyone to be wandering the hallways of the building.

Reminiscing back, he thought of everything that was different between his ex and Y/N. She made him feel trapped, and Y/N made him feel free. She made him feel like her, how she liked calling it, love was consuming him, and Y/N’s affection only brought him joy and filled his whole body in excitement and happiness. She made him wonder if love really meant hurting for one another, and Y/N made him realize that, it shouldn’t hurt, yet he would sacrifice his heart for her happiness.

It was two different worlds. Two different dimensions. And he was lost on the path.

Standing in front of the door, his raised his first to knock on it several times, all of which he backed away, not sure of what he was about to do. Finally, he closed his eyes and rapidly he knocked on the door.

Nothing was heard on the other side. Complete silence. His heart broke. His head hung low on his shoulders as he bit the inside of his left cheek. He knocked again, this time with more force.

Now he heard steps approaching the door. He raised his head, looking straight, keeping his face tight. His heart started to beat faster and he could’ve sworn it would’ve jumped out of his chest if it wasn’t for his ribcage keeping it there.

The person on the other side unlocked the door and opened slowly.

“I’m sorry for coming this late” he started “and before you say anything, let me talk first” he raised his hands. “Look, I’m scared, of being here and also… I’m scared to be in front of you right now” he closed his eyes trying to order his thoughts.

“I’m scared to think about you even, about your lips, skin, eyes…I’m scared to think about someone else being by your side; I’m scared every time you look at me knowing that maybe you got someone else on your mind” he bit his lip looking at her.

“And I’m going insane about you, and you… don’t even notice that. I’m scared Y/N, and that’s the reason why I’ll risk it all now telling you that what I showed you these past days wasn’t fake love. What I feel towards you is very real, so real I feel it burning inside of me and… tonight, alone in my room, I realized I had to let it out” he exhaled. “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted to let you know, because now I feel like I can finally breathe when I’m near you”.

Your hands trembled on your sides hearing all of those vulnerable words leave his mouth. His eyes were honest and they told you how much pain he was experiencing just by telling you what you’ve only dreamt about hearing. You kept silent, just looking at him while tears pooled in your eyes.

“Tae… I-“

“I knew it from the first time I saw you Y/N. I saw you coming with those beautiful eyes and I- I felt instantly defeated by you” he smiled weakly at his own confession, looking down at his shoes. “And, even knowing that…” he sniffed trying to recompose himself. “Even knowing that you could be the next person to break me, I had already given you my heart just by the look in your eyes. Call me stupid, call me insane… but I knew it from the first time I saw you”

“Taeyong—“

“And I know the chances of me being the love of your life are very slim but… if it’s not me who has to make you happy I hope you find someone who brings peace into your life, who is like fresh water every morning, who lets you know you’re beautiful even when you don’t feel like it. I’ll be happy if you find someone who can give you all of himself… and—“he looked away as he bit his lip. “And, if you haven’t found him yet, I hope you can get confused for a little while thinking that maybe it’s me” he looked at you with hopeful eyes “because I can assure you I’m already yours” he whispered.

You couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. Taking a step further, and without a prior notice, you placed your hands softly on his neck, nearing your face to his. You were so close, and it felt like the first time. It always felt like the first time. “I’m not confused when I say you are the one who brings peace into my heart after all of the storms I’ve been through, Tae” you whispered as you felt his hands around your waist, bringing you closer.

He grasped at your shirt, tightly, as if he was afraid you would run away. “I’m not confused when I say I need you like water” you responded, “and… I’m not confused when I say that what I felt this weekend wasn’t fake love either, Taeyong” you whispered. By hearing those words he instantly pressed his lips on yours, and you could feel how he poured all of the love and passion he was keeping inside on one simple kiss.

Both of you parted, your foreheads still touching. You looked at him and he had his eyes still closed. “Tell me I’m not dreaming” he said softly and you laughed slightly, touching the back of his hair. “Look at me Taeyong” you said, separating your face a bit from his to take a better look at his face, but he kept you in tightly on his embrace. He opened his eyes, and you could see the content they held.

“You’re not dreaming” you reassured him and he pressed his lips against yours, smiling through the kiss.


End file.
